It’s often said that money is the root of all evil. While that may be the subject of some debate, research suggests it’s certainly the source of most disruption among couples. In a YouGov America poll of people aged 18 to 44, who described themselves as being in serious relationships, money ranked as the topic argued about most.
It is certainly at the heart of a major dispute involving a woman who took to Reddit to voice her frustrations at what her boyfriend wants her to agree to before she moves into his apartment.
Writing under the handle Ok_Database3372, she explained: “He has wanted me to move in for a while now, which I would be excited to do” but “he wants to split costs (his monthly mortgage down payments plus bills and groceries etc) 50/50 as we will be making around the same amount.”
She said she doesn’t think this is fair as it is “his apartment” and she would essentially be “paying down his mortgage.” To her way of thinking, if they broke up, she would “be left with nothing” while he would “have his house and interest from its rise in value.”
Instead, she suggested paying “50/50 of all expenses” as well as half the interest rate but not anything towards his mortgage payment.
“This way I can put the rest of money into savings so when my savings are big enough we can go in on an apartment together,” she said. “Or I can buy a share into his existing apartment.”
Her partner, however, thinks this is “unreasonable” as they would not have the same monthly expenses and accused her of focusing too much on “what is mine and what is his.”
Commenting on the dilemma, dating and relationship expert Angela N. Holton told Newsweek that while it may have made both parties uncomfortable it’s important to “recognize the importance of having these types of conversations” before co-habitating.
“Communicating one’s needs, desires, and expectations upfront is pivotal to relationship success,” she said. “So, kudos to them for having these tough and honest conversations.”
Even so, Holton felt it was important to “seek understanding and compromise” in these kinds of situations and suggested there could be more to the issue than simply money.
“As a woman, I know that women are hardwired to desire safety, security and protection, whether that’s physical, emotional or financial,” she said.
“Perhaps she’s not feeling safety and security in the relationship or in taking next steps if he’s asking her to pay a mortgage, which he assumes on his own without her there.”
The issue stirred up plenty of debate on social media, with Redditors flocking to weigh in on the matter.
Turnbacknowdog said: “Unless the live-in partner or family member is taking the place of a paying tenant , it’s an a****** move to ask them to pay rent. All they owe the homeowner is their share of common expenses, plus some goodwill and gratitude.”
KingsRooked662 felt differently though: “She’s currently paying rent somewhere, which is probably paying the landlord’s mortgage AND THEN SOME. She gets no equity now from paying rent where she lives.”
KingKookus suggested a compromise: “He rents out the apartment and moves in with her. They each pay 50/50 like she wants. He still benefits from his investment.”
Ok_Database3372 has since returned to the thread to confirm that she and her partner have put off moving in together for the time being.
Holton felt this is probably for the best.
“I would suggest aiming at the root cause and beliefs that are creating such strong and intractable positions and seek understanding,” she told Newsweek. “If there’s not mutual understanding and agreement, I think it may be very challenging for this couple to build a healthy relationship.”
