The 33-year-old told her story in a Reddit post that has received thousands of upvotes and comments.
She wrote: “My sister passed away a month ago because of cancer. It’s devastating and words can’t express how we feel. Her husband struggled to pay off debts and has asked me and my husband to take him and my nieces aged 13 and 16 in for some time.”
Admitting that she is not on the best terms with her brother-in-law, the woman said: “We’ve had more than our fair share of disagreements in the past. He tried to sue me and my husband for my own mother’s house, which I’m living in with my husband and daughter.”
Licensed clinical social worker and private psychotherapist Tonya Lester told Newsweek: “Grief absolutely affects family situations, mainly as an amplifier—contentious relationships get more contentious, and close relationships get even closer.”
Psychology Today contributor and author Lester added: “Grief can also unearth buried tension in painful ways.”
In the case of the Redditor, it seemed that things had become more difficult between the woman and her brother-in-law as she agreed to take in her nieces but not him.
“He tried to negotiate this saying his daughters are grieving and need him, their remaining parent, to be around. I said he could see them during visits and that was it,” wrote the poster.
While her husband agreed at first, she said he was now suggesting that they should let the girls’ father come to stay. Meanwhile, the teenage girls were upset by the arrangement, too.
“We had a huge argument and the girls went inside crying after their dad left repeatedly saying they want him,” wrote the poster. “I argued that it’s my home and I don’t feel comfortable with him staying after what he’s done.
“The girls are quiet but my 16-year-old niece keeps arguing about wanting her dad with them. My husband still thinks we’re making a mistake and getting the girls to resent me for what I did to their dad who’s grieving,” the woman added.
But Reddit users were quick to side with the poster—telling her that she was right to stick to her guns on the arrangement.
“While it stinks that you can’t be 100 percent supportive of the girls it’s his fault you have to protect yourself,” read one reply. “He’s sued once. If he starts living there and establishes residency he could try to squat.”
Another commenter said: “I understand you not wanting to take him in. However, I find it suspicious that given your history, he’s trying to get you specifically to take him in, in the house he tried to sue you for.”
After reading the viral post, Lester felt that the best thing would be to explore another arrangement: “Unless abuse or neglect is an issue, typically, kids should be with their parents. That said, no one is obligated to invite an adult they have a terrible relationship with to live with them. I would advise the writer to look for a feasible third option.
“Can the father and children stay somewhere else? Why is this burden falling exclusively on the sister with the terrible relationship?” Lester added.
Newsweek has reached out to the poster u/throwaway3679656 for comment. We were unable to verify the details of this case.
